Blogging Sucks. So does everything else.

I guess I just can't get the hang of this. It's not for want of trying. I want to do it. I intend to do it. I just don't. I guess I am boring. A friend recently asked me what my hopes and dreams were. I didn't know what to tell him. I expect nothing from life but more and deeper disappointments.

I don't understand the basis for optimism. I have never been able to manage it. No matter what I do, I'll die. I'll leave almost everything that I ever wanted to do undone. I despair. Everything is as hollow as it seems.

...and yet, I endure. I don't even know why. Some part of me is resilient. Some part of me IS optimistic. Some part of me believes that if I hold on long enough that something really great is going to happen. Like as good as the Transformers movie was supposed to be. Or as good as a whole collaboration album from Bowie and Queen would have been. Something extraordinary. I just don't know what or when.

I guess its not reasonable to think that way. When I look around at the world, I see people losing lousy unfulfilled lives every day. Why should I be any different?