Friday, January 16, 2009

Staying Busy | Fake Problems vs Real Problems

When you deal with shit people tell you to stay busy. It's good, practical advice. The downside is that it prevents you from really stopping to analyze your situation.

I'm sitting here alone listening to a very excellent Wayne Hancock bootleg proving that I am not an alcoholic. I want a drink but I don't feel like going downstairs to get a Diet Coke out of the refrigerator to chase. I even have water up stairs with me. I just can't be bothered.

Today's day off was turned into a goddamn horsecock by extreme cold. Cold that caused Thursday's scheduled closer to call off for fear of the ice. Very legitimate fear for someone living up in Sissionville actually. Nonetheless, the end result to me is that I have to come in and work. Save the day. Again. It happens.

I'm a worried man with no immediate problems. My friends and loved ones have serious issues.

Reannan has set the world's record for fastest identity theft on her new bank account. Seriously, like two days after getting it. Its not like she had much in there to start with.

Amber's stupid fucking cunt of a sister is still causing her and her family unending grief. As though she ever does anything else.

Ally's mom has stupid fucking cancer. What else is there to say about that? Its damn cancer. There is not much of an upside.

Shelly and her husband's family have just suffered the loss of her father in law.

And me? I'm sitting here, fairly warm, listening to good music, too lazy to even make a drink. I'll get mine soon enough I suppose.

As things stand right now, I am thinking a lot about going back to school. I am struggling with the fact that almost everything that I am interested in apparently involves all kinds of math. I am not really sure that I can do that. So what then? Give up? Lower my expectations?

Perhaps. It may be the only realistic thing to do. Plenty of people live meaningless and unfulfilled lives. Plenty of people never reach their potential. Plus, going to collage is hardly an inoculant to that.

Trying this carries significant risks. I stand to lose a substantial amount of time and money on this regardless of success or failure. Time I have some of, money not so much. I absolutely must have a realistic chance of success with this. Otherwise, what is the point?

I am ready for the end of the world. I has to happen sometime.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Changes

So everythings changed for me. And I just can't talk about it. I don't know what to say. How to say it. I don't know what I can say.

This has got to be the world's worst blog entry.

Anyway, I intend to get back to regular topics. I need to do this more. I just didn't want to not mention the big changes for me at all. But I am still not talking about it. Not yet anyway.

And if this just confuses you. Well, I'm sorry. It happens.