reading my old posts about reannan, im reminded of how much it hurt when things ended with her. how devastated i was. reading the words it sounds so much like how things feel now with jeni. i dont know why exactly, but it is different. it feels different now. it felt different then. its just not the same.
as bad as things were with reannan, this is so much worse.
i did feel more magnetically drawn to jeni. i felt a romantic connection that i have never felt with anyone else before. fireworks. insanity. shelly told me once that she thought it was because reannan didn't really understand me, but jeni did. i rarely doubt much that shelly says, and i suspect she is right here.
i think that jeni thinks im just re-writing the past. i think that she was jealous of reannan. there was a terrible fight that we had around a misunderstanding of that very point. i dont think that she she really understands how much i care. even now, even after all that has happened, i dont think that she does.
and honestly, i dont suppose it matters if she does now or not. she's gone.
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