my heart rages.
quiet down you fuck,
its all fake inside anyway.

The Devil Inside

I was accused of being a tool of the Devil recently. The absurdity of it shocked me. I honestly cannot remember what it felt like to believe in the Devil. I know that I did at one time. It was very real to me. I do still remember what believing in God felt like, but not the Nemesis.

I want to understand this. I want to understand how this was ever real to me. I want to understand the faith impulse. I don't feel like I do completely. I don't quite understand how my brain was able to be warped so as to reject anything that did not agree with the faith.

writing every day has not happened. too many distractions. need to make more time for things that are important to me.